I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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