i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
