Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
