In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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