you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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