All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
