i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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