apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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