Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
