And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i love accidental penises.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
