Only a mothe r could love this liver
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You were trust falling into bushes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
