one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
