he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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