Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
