I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dignity is for republicans.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
