I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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