I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
