i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think your dad took our porno
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
