i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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