she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
