I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
