What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
