Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
