i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
