Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
