We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
