My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
