Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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