Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
