Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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