I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
