Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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