Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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