break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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