when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
