Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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