i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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