Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
