if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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