All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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