i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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