peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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