I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
