I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
