ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
