Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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