chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
