did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
