Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
