All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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