I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
