I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
