mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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