i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The air taste purple.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
