i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
