Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
