vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
