i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
