Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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