She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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