You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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