the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
