this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
