I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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