he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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