i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
