DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
