Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
