I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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