I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
