yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
