she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
