Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
