You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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