I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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