he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
