How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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