why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
