you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
