I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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