Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
