My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
