he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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