how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my phone needs a breathalizer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
