The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
