I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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