I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
