Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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